Thursday, January 5, 2012

New Motivation

Welcome to the new year of 2012. The number seems so familiar and brings some fear. Am I a paranoid?

It been sometime I don’t update this blog, which I don’t want to make any excuses to justify. Now I’m convinced that as a human we actually don’t have any excuses. We don’t have to provide reason(s). You are a free will being, which there are only two answer either you wanted to do it or not. That will be your call and your choice.

Simple example, if you are about to read some reading material for school revision. At the same time you have your cutting edge smart phone or tablet near you. Instead of reading, you are focusing your energy to read all Facebook’s status updates or play Angry Bird. Is there anyone forcing you to do so? The answer is no.

The moment you take your smart phone and indulge with internet entertainment that is your own choice. The next day your teacher is asking for your works. You start to make excuses (helping mother to do the housework chores, have to baby sit brothers and sisters, terrible headache, etc). You are the master of your own body and soul, why blame others for things that you done.

It same goes to me. I don’t have any excuses not to write in this blog. But, at this point I do feel regret not to put my commitment. I started this blog with a very good intention. I even name this blog with other names which are BUA (Blog untuk Adik-blog for my brothers and sisters) and PUA (pesan untuk Adik - a reminder to my brothers and sisters). I’ve mentioned that eventually if it is turn to my time to leave this world, and I really don’t have any tangible materials things to give to my only little brother. If I do have, it wills not enough to make him happy.

So I make this blog, to extend my thought and feeling. Hopefully I write beneficial things for my brother to take good attention to it, contemplating and make right decision in his life. My motivation at that time was, my brother lost his father (my father too) at very young age, at 17. He was a few months to take his big exam, SPM, but fate never knows boundaries and limitation. When he lost his father at very young age, I know that he will never really know what our father looks like. He will never know that our father love him so much, and because of that he get all the attention. So I do write a lot of my father in this blog. At the end he will knows that our father is a great father. He will never die because he lives in our blood and DNA.

But the story of life never evolves in one single family. It is the story of humanity that relate to most of us. We share the same feeling and hopes. So I share with my other sisters and brothers who read this blog. Hope in some way, this blog will have meaning to others.

I have new motivation now.

Number 1. I'm going to take my English examination, so this is a part of the trainning. Rather than to write thing which is way to common (as suggested inside text books), may as well I write things which is important that touch me inside out. Things that I want to remember, meaningful and to keep the feeling. Now I know that, we can actually capture feeling between lines in writing. Really. Whenever I revisit old entries, most of the time I cried unwillingly. When I read others blogs, sometime the same things happen. Tears can't stop flowing and l'm not forcing.

Number 2. I just come accross this kind boy which say a good things in comment box. Jazakallahu khairan katsiran. This is what he said:

I'm flattered and gratefull. But that is not the biggest motivation. I'm surprised when I visit Harith blog's, he just a teenagers yet full of conscience. I wish when I'm a teenager, I have the same attitude. Then, I know I can become a better grown up. But of course, each of us have our own orbit. That suit us the best, and we should be thankful everyday. Alhamdulillah.

Number 3. Conviction. I have been introduced with this words years ago. But I never take heed. It just a word. But every word has it own weight. This word is heavy. In simple term it might define as believe and in Malay we defined it as percaya. Conviction is a fixed or firm believe. When you been convicted no one can change your decision, action, mind. You will not care for what people will say, or what ever the outcomes will be. You just convinced! I just come back from my pilgrimage for 43 days. My friends said that I've gone too long, but to me, it just only for a short while. I'm convinced that writing is essential to me. It is part of my life, I've been conditioned to become a writer even I never know if there are any people read my piece.

InsyaAllah. May Allah grant me the things I need to be consistent.

As to become as what Harith said, trying to change to become better Muslim.

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