Sunday, September 19, 2010


I never knew what is friendship mean until yesterday. You know, I never fail to get a lot of friend anywhere I go especially when I’m younger. It doesn’t mean that I’ve that charming character so that people are emerging around me. I just love to have friends and do something with them whether the ‘things’ are meaningful of just stupid as every young’s’ will venture.

The reason I be fond of friends is because I’m always feeling lonely at home. Being the youngest female in male domination family, I found it always hard to have somebody to talk to me as a person. The only talking are instructions and doing chores. If I been caught playing games with my brothers, I will directly been scolded. On contrary my brothers can do what they want and please. And to witness how minor I’m as I have no voice at all. To my family it always seems that I just don’t have good communication skill. I do want to talk but they just refuse to listen. After all they think that I’m too small to understand things and to be understood. That is the environment I grew and that make myself so timid.

But the world I believe is always about bounty and fairness. You have to look closely to see it. Countering my shortage God give me lot of good friends. Indeed too good until I feel that I just don’t deserve them. Their kindness is breathtaking. Their attitude is natural I presumed, because we have a lot of common stuff. We were still studying; staying at the same college, share same friends, doing similar activities, becoming team mate when we have assignment and all. You name it. But to us, it was very special because we were from different faculties. We took different courses but yet we can be close, so close than I can imagine.

Until one day, my mother has to be warded because she no longer can walk. The reason for this suffering was slip disc at my mom’s backbones. I still feel the sadness until now if I think about it. I’m young and struggle to finish diploma. I keep remaining in silence with all my friends. They did notice I'ved change but they never had guts to ask. I keep coming home every week and sometime during lectures days without telling them what happen. But my friends always knew that I need time to comfort myself and I’ll reveal my problems willingly. During that particular time, my friends treat me like nothing has been changed at all. They asked me to join activities even they knew I will turn them down. They wanted to see my smiling face again even though I just can’t.

One day on one small gathering, I told about my mom’s sickness and the sadness I’ve been through. Their face turning read and scolded me for that. Don’t be mistaken, they were mad because I refused to share my difficulties with them. They even said, “Aren’t we are your friends? Why it is so hard to share your sadness with us?” That question echoes in my memory until now.

Afterward they keep visiting my mom at hospital, weekend and weekdays. They give me strength I needed to finish my study. Luckily I’ved them and help me with all of their hearts. One of my friends even did more then I expected. She cooked ‘ikan haruan’ soup for my mother. ‘Ikan haruan’ is a fish in Malay tradition we believe it can help for recovery especially from open cut as in surgery. It is a very rare fish and not sold in market and only available at villages (at that time). My mom was operated in major operation for that sickness.

She purposely came back to her village for that fish, clean it up (it is tedious job to clean ikan haruan as the fish really has bad smell), cooked and bring it to hospital. She did it several times in order to make my mother healthy or she wanted me to be happy again? She even gave me raw fishes so that I can cook later on (which my mother never like it because I'm bad in cooking back then).

Years passed by, she married with four lovely children. As the life goes on, we are apart due to life circumstance that cannot be avoided. Even we have facebook, twitter, emails, name it all, life evolve and definitely we are changing. Life is not the same as it was. We remember friends, but friend will remain as friend. The relationship will never grow and has no future, aren’t they?

Yesterday, she proved me wrong. Friend will be remembered as friend, but to have the connection stronger, you have to consistently pray. To grow a friendship is about action even the person never admit that s/he love you. A relationship is never mean by constantly been connected to each other, it is all about the remembrance in heart. When this happen, even you don’t meet each other for 10 or more years, when you do, it seem just like only yesterday you’ve been away.

Yesterday she came for a visit with her family of course. The entire family treated my family of their own. When her childrens met me, the first thing they do is to embrace me as their long lost aunt rather than a stranger. Her last sons near 3 years old ask me to hold him immediately he saw me. Her daughter keep staring me with love and they are feel so free in my house like their own. Eventually I want to cry but I kept my face straight to avoid any Malay drama progressing in my own house. Her children do things which my nieces and nephews do in the house. They called my brother as “Paksu” rather than typical respect name for older person ‘uncle’. They called my mom as “Nenek” and they called me with special title. Only her children called me with that respected title. And I believe it will never be replicate to any other family, a title to celebrate the connection between me and their mother. I pray that the relationship will last longer than my own breath. Maybe when I been dismiss from this world, will they remember me and give their doa for me? I pray may they will.

When they are about to leave, my friend's daughters two of them, keep holding my hand. They keep shake hand with me every minute before they are in the cars. Even they are in the car, they reach out they hand to make another shake hand. One of her daughter explained why she did that, “we never know when we can meet you again.”

The world is about love and fairness. It will never short of these two magnificent feeling. I believe it with all my heart, will you?
My friend teaches me about true relation. Relationship is never meant of real connection, to be able to meet each other, having a good communication, share things. Relation is about remembrance and prayer. Relation is about action. Relation is about to have a good heart.

Then I learn that she constantly show my picture (old picture at college) to her childrens so that they can remember me, my face. She brings them to me so that they can know me, my family. She bring them to me so that I can hug them as my own, my kin.

Now I know that, what ever comes, if you still hold some memory about a person, consistently pray for her/him, you’ve been connected to a relationship. And that, make you…A FAMILY.

I think about you a lot, and I do pray for you, will you accept me as...your family?

Friday, September 17, 2010


When your voice of truth is unheard, use another tone.
Let it echoes to reach conscience
one day the grey cloud will be transported to a place
and raindrops
will make it white again.