Vibes

I never know when I consistently offer my prayer toward the well being of my teachers. Yes, you are true; I’m not a good person. It might come to your thought that I should pray to all my teachers as early as I know to pray right? You might want to ask, is there anybody teach me? To be frank, I’ve been taught about that long ago in class with proper text book to be precise. But it never comes to my conscience that the ritual of prayer for teacher is actually an obligation. As student you’re bind with that duty.

When I realised with the responsibility? When I found a great teacher, when he actually make me see to the magical world of knowledge (the specific word is ilmu) and what knowledge can offer you. It is unlimited worlds; even the sky will not be the limit!

I think that teacher will greatly glad if you consistently pray for them. But what really matter surprised me.

One evening when I actually encountered with a teacher, I asked him what your expectation to your students? To my surprise he answered, “I hope that all my students will sincere to knowledge.”

I was not satisfied, “what do you mean by sincere?”

“It is when they are truthful to themselves and not cheating during tests and exams.”

Well to that very moment a vibes came from nowhere.

“Is it that bad, I mean cheating?”

He smiled. “The truth is we don’t get knowledge for free. It is a tradition that has been passed through by generation. Of course we enhance and upgrade the knowledge, but still we cannot erase the fact that we actually inherit them from our teachers. Our teachers get them from their teachers. The chain will never break. And the knowledge is actually originated from sacred place and of course by the hard work of our ancestors.”

His answer made me remember one of my friend stories. She said that, there are very good teachers who actually strive for the well being of their students. They sacrifice a lot even when to design questions to test their students. They even wake up at night; perform qiamulail and solat istikharah (night prayer) in order to design the exams questions.

Why they willing to do that?

It is to ensure students will be blessed by the knowledge.

True.

And one evening I saw a big billboard with the saying by Robert Maynard Hutchens, ‘the objective of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves throughout their lives.’

I’ve found teachers that give me the life time education. Even through very simple words and sentences, they have helped me survive, Alhamdulillah. Their words echoes every now and since, even it has been years from my schooling days.

Maybe some of my teachers are teachers who wake up at night; performing ablution even the water is dreadfully cold, spent their 30 minutes and maybe hours in silent night for qiamulail and solat hajat, stretched out their hands and prayed for all of their heart for the well being of their students.

I’m indebted to them for the rest of my life. For that, my prayers will never enough to compensate their goodwill.

Somehow I know that, you too, have same great teachers. Honour them, so that their thought of YOU every night and every time when they pray will never left in vain.

Let their legacy of knowledge shine, like the brightest sun and stars in the universe!

InsyaAllah.

LOVE?

I always amazed by my friend’s sensitivity. When there were times that thing get low, she will pop me with questions, are you OK. Or when time like this, my inbox full with questions, ‘are you in love?”

It is sometime hard to understand her. Somehow I feel that I’m wired to her. Of course that will be the imaginary cables. Anything that triggers me will trigger her, obviously seems like that. Can anyone tell me what kind of reaction called for?

I’m not in love if she ever buys that. But recently I’ve known the real meaning of love which results to the existing of this universe. Imagine that? Love is that big. But for majority of us, because it is too big, we failed to feel its existence.

Friendship

I never knew what is friendship mean until yesterday. You know, I never fail to get a lot of friend anywhere I go especially when I’m younger. It doesn’t mean that I’ve that charming character so that people are emerging around me. I just love to have friends and do something with them whether the ‘things’ are meaningful of just stupid as every young’s’ will venture.

The reason I be fond of friends is because I’m always feeling lonely at home. Being the youngest female in male domination family, I found it always hard to have somebody to talk to me as a person. The only talking are instructions and doing chores. If I been caught playing games with my brothers, I will directly been scolded. On contrary my brothers can do what they want and please. And to witness how minor I’m as I have no voice at all. To my family it always seems that I just don’t have good communication skill. I do want to talk but they just refuse to listen. After all they think that I’m too small to understand things and to be understood. That is the environment I grew and that make myself so timid.

But the world I believe is always about bounty and fairness. You have to look closely to see it. Countering my shortage God give me lot of good friends. Indeed too good until I feel that I just don’t deserve them. Their kindness is breathtaking. Their attitude is natural I presumed, because we have a lot of common stuff. We were still studying; staying at the same college, share same friends, doing similar activities, becoming team mate when we have assignment and all. You name it. But to us, it was very special because we were from different faculties. We took different courses but yet we can be close, so close than I can imagine.

Until one day, my mother has to be warded because she no longer can walk. The reason for this suffering was slip disc at my mom’s backbones. I still feel the sadness until now if I think about it. I’m young and struggle to finish diploma. I keep remaining in silence with all my friends. They did notice I'ved change but they never had guts to ask. I keep coming home every week and sometime during lectures days without telling them what happen. But my friends always knew that I need time to comfort myself and I’ll reveal my problems willingly. During that particular time, my friends treat me like nothing has been changed at all. They asked me to join activities even they knew I will turn them down. They wanted to see my smiling face again even though I just can’t.

One day on one small gathering, I told about my mom’s sickness and the sadness I’ve been through. Their face turning read and scolded me for that. Don’t be mistaken, they were mad because I refused to share my difficulties with them. They even said, “Aren’t we are your friends? Why it is so hard to share your sadness with us?” That question echoes in my memory until now.

Afterward they keep visiting my mom at hospital, weekend and weekdays. They give me strength I needed to finish my study. Luckily I’ved them and help me with all of their hearts. One of my friends even did more then I expected. She cooked ‘ikan haruan’ soup for my mother. ‘Ikan haruan’ is a fish in Malay tradition we believe it can help for recovery especially from open cut as in surgery. It is a very rare fish and not sold in market and only available at villages (at that time). My mom was operated in major operation for that sickness.

She purposely came back to her village for that fish, clean it up (it is tedious job to clean ikan haruan as the fish really has bad smell), cooked and bring it to hospital. She did it several times in order to make my mother healthy or she wanted me to be happy again? She even gave me raw fishes so that I can cook later on (which my mother never like it because I'm bad in cooking back then).

Years passed by, she married with four lovely children. As the life goes on, we are apart due to life circumstance that cannot be avoided. Even we have facebook, twitter, emails, name it all, life evolve and definitely we are changing. Life is not the same as it was. We remember friends, but friend will remain as friend. The relationship will never grow and has no future, aren’t they?

Yesterday, she proved me wrong. Friend will be remembered as friend, but to have the connection stronger, you have to consistently pray. To grow a friendship is about action even the person never admit that s/he love you. A relationship is never mean by constantly been connected to each other, it is all about the remembrance in heart. When this happen, even you don’t meet each other for 10 or more years, when you do, it seem just like only yesterday you’ve been away.

Yesterday she came for a visit with her family of course. The entire family treated my family of their own. When her childrens met me, the first thing they do is to embrace me as their long lost aunt rather than a stranger. Her last sons near 3 years old ask me to hold him immediately he saw me. Her daughter keep staring me with love and they are feel so free in my house like their own. Eventually I want to cry but I kept my face straight to avoid any Malay drama progressing in my own house. Her children do things which my nieces and nephews do in the house. They called my brother as “Paksu” rather than typical respect name for older person ‘uncle’. They called my mom as “Nenek” and they called me with special title. Only her children called me with that respected title. And I believe it will never be replicate to any other family, a title to celebrate the connection between me and their mother. I pray that the relationship will last longer than my own breath. Maybe when I been dismiss from this world, will they remember me and give their doa for me? I pray may they will.

When they are about to leave, my friend's daughters two of them, keep holding my hand. They keep shake hand with me every minute before they are in the cars. Even they are in the car, they reach out they hand to make another shake hand. One of her daughter explained why she did that, “we never know when we can meet you again.”

The world is about love and fairness. It will never short of these two magnificent feeling. I believe it with all my heart, will you?

My friend teaches me about true relation. Relationship is never meant of real connection, to be able to meet each other, having a good communication, share things. Relation is about remembrance and prayer. Relation is about action. Relation is about to have a good heart.

Then I learn that she constantly show my picture (old picture at college) to her childrens so that they can remember me, my face. She brings them to me so that they can know me, my family. She bring them to me so that I can hug them as my own, my kin.

Now I know that, what ever comes, if you still hold some memory about a person, consistently pray for her/him, you’ve been connected to a relationship. And that, make you…A FAMILY.

I think about you a lot, and I do pray for you, will you accept me as...your family?

Voice

When your voice of truth is unheard, use another tone.
Let it echoes to reach conscience
one day the grey cloud will be transported to a place
and raindrops
will make it white again.

Loosing Voice

I lost my voice and I'm seem invisible

People see me but they can't understand my words

I try to talk but they just can't hear

But I'm lucky because I've you

Be my tongue when I'm no longer can speak

Still hear my saying even I can't whisper

Sorry I just can't say it

But I know you can hear

My sincere heart beating

Thanking you, now and since

Allahumma yassir, wa la tu'assir. Rabbi tammim bil khair.

Up High

When you are blamed for performance failure, what will you feel? Yes we need critiques to improve our self, but condemnation is something unbearable. Condemnation without data and evidence is more wounding.

As a responsible person we will ask, why and how that happen so that we can do some measure to rectify it back. We will do anything to make sure nothing like that will occur in the future. We ask for reason but we get none.

Action and event always speak louder than words. I don’t believe about that before but maybe I should believe it now.

We are feeder for a degree programme and yet when things get bad, they need a scapegoat. So I don’t have to explain, you know what will happen next.

But something happens which ease our ears that hear.

When the results been announced, there are six students that are honour with Vice Chancellor award. Four of them are from our institutions. Four out of six is more than 50%. Isn’t that too good to hear? Well I believe that we don’t have anything to regret and now we are enjoying the news.

Up high? That is the word to explain all!

Cycle of Life

Do you still remember Lion King? The story about the lost lion cub, Simba, searching the meaning of life and fight to claim his thrown as the only heir in animal kingdom. Simba fight to uphold tradition and sustain the true cycle of life.

The story today is not about fighting for rightful position (eventhough I'm thinking about it), but to tell you my family history to show that life is about a cycle.

The boy in uniform is the famous Tah Hong Ming. An actor which appear in Yasmin Ahmad's short film that shown in national TV again and again to promote 1Malaysia campaign (before the idea of 1Malaysia has been brought up by our Prime Minister). The boy in orange shirt is not so famous, Mohd Alif is my own nephew. They look alike ey? But we don't have any trace of lineage from Chinese family, so does Alif's mother. To have a nephew with Chinese look is quite cute and to add he always pretending that he have the smile of the famous Tan Hong Ming.

So my brilliant in IT brother and an artist (Alif's father) superimposed this picture to show how similar they are. I have to agree for what they said after seeing this picture.

How that can relate to cirlce of life?

Well, 30 years ago when my brother (Alif's father) was a young boy, at the same age of Alif he too have this Chinese look which is so unfamiliar among our siblings. Well, we have typical Malay looks with some additional of Arab flavour. Because of his looks, he was consistently teased by my uncle and aunt. They called my brother as Hai Hong. We do not know what is the meaning of Hai Hong, maybe what my uncle and aunt mean that, he looks like typical Chinese son, not from a Malay family. My brother on the other hand was so upset with this calling, Hai Hong. He felt that he was not belong to my family due to his unconventional looks.

Years past by.

His first born child is a son, and his name is Mohd Alif. He's too looks like typical Chinese boy. The ironi, the name of Tan Hong Ming.

Well, life is about a circle. We should uphold the tradition, so the world will be in harmonious balance right?

:)

p/s: I don't think Alif upset when we called him Tan Hong Ming. He seems to like it as Tan Hong Ming is so famous. Maybe he think he is famous too. Well, Alif is actually famous in our family, no doubt about it. And he share the same birthday date with our late father. After two years Alif was born, our father passed away. My father was born on 1932 and Alif's 2002. Looks like the cycle has begin. We pray that he will gain the same talent, intelectual capacity, good heart and true servant as our father, his granddad. InsyaAllah.