Carrying the Weight of Your Name

Only recently it comes to my understanding (deep understanding), that every word contains meaning. Each word means to describe physical appearance, detailing (color, texture, and shape), behavior and lot of things beyond my capabilities to describe.

Let try one quick experiment. When you read ‘cat’ what is the thing that appear in your mind?

Perhaps, the same things that appears in my mind. We will imagine an animal, full with fur, whiskers, purr, and cute, lovely, sharp teeth and have claws. Name the details we might imagine the same. For those who are very much in contact with cats, they probably can imagine in more detail. For example the most famous cat in the internet is Maru (from Japan), cat dislike when we touch their feet, they will sound a specific sound when they see lizards, etc, etc.

That is how word contains meaning and this meaning is very specific.

That is how I now really understand the importance of the knowledge been given to Prophet Adam. Prophet Adam was thought the knowledge to name things, in scientific term as taxonomy. It is look like very simple but has strategic role and value in it. With this knowledge, Prophet Adam has been elevated to superior level to compare with the angels. Then the angels were asked to prostrate before Adam.

Isn’t it a beauty? The knowledge to name things is very significant to human being, so only then we can discretely identify things.

Now, how about your own name? Isn’t it comes from a good word. It is very rare that our parent will name us with bad name (word) aieee? So, your name will act on similar basis. The word itself contains meaning, and that is actually a prayer from parent to their children. They want you to become good, as the name accompany you along the way.

Again, let try one quick example.

Joseph (Yusof), is the name of a prophet. He is very handsome man, kind hearted, superb and brilliant leader, visionary, wisdom and virtue, the keeper of the knowledge of dream interpretation and so on. But the word describe Joseph that is common to people is handsome. So, you will bring the weight of this name, to become handsome and have charismatic appearance to other people.

…and Muhammad. The name is reflection of praise. And now we do know that our Prophet Muhammad sawa is worthy of praise, reflect to his name, as what Allah Himself ask us to do. Every morning, day and night to praise his name, when we perform prayer, when we are about to make supplication to Allah, we will praise Prophet Muhammad names, as adab in prayer, and to seek for intercession by his name.

Subhanallah. Again, isn’t it a beauty.

I’m struggling all these years to find the literal meaning of my name. Unfortunately, I’m the only children carrying a name without a literal meaning in it. Sad? I tell you the truth, yes, I’m quite sad. I searched the meaning of my name in many books (name and its meaning) and I bought Arabic dictionary to find out by myself for the sake of my doubt. Maybe my name is too unique so that it can’t find it way inside name book. But definitely my name is common. There are peoples with my name even though I’ll agree it is not too many. So I search the root word in Arabic dictionary. Not a single Arabic character match with my name written in Arabic (I’m using Al Marbawi dictionary).

To be true, I’m sad with this. I’m always this question inside my head, why my parent did not named me with a name that associate with literal meaning in it. While my other siblings do.

But now I know this realm, somehow I don’t have to carry the weight of my name. There will no expectation, generalization, specification and identification. Considering this aspects, this is good, doesn't it?

But I have a name and it is now open to give literal meaning for who I am. And I will, define it with a good meaning, by Allah will, by Allah will, InsyaAllah.

You, whom been given with a name with meaning, you’re carrying the weight of your name. Live it to the expectation, because you are…the name.

My Father

I seldom talk about my father, even I do sometime write about my father in this blog and my other blog. The thing is, I always wanted to be what I am, without people think and say; how come she can’t get all of that achievement, her father was him.

I’m reluctantly to be overshadowed by my father. But the truth is, I’m always my father’s child. If one day I should have an academic name, my name should be known as, Alias, A.

I’m very much selfish right?

Yeah, no matter how I think, I know that my father have a lot of impact and influence in me, making me who I am. Believing what I am. Most of the things I do are to prove to him I am worthy to be his child. I have his quality, his talent, his wisdom and all. Yeah, I’m very much struggled to be him, even I only get just a partial of his talents. The rest rests inside my other siblings. That is why I can’t do music and painting. I only can write but still I’m struggling to be at par of my father’s talent.

We seldom talk, because he was the man of action. He showed his love by action. Always make his family as number one priority rather than to satisfy his own needs and to indulge in his works. That is sacrifice to me. For a person who very much involve in literature and writings, composing music and play instruments, color and painting, he just let everything go for the sake of his family; that’s a lot of sacrifices to do.

I’m thinking if one day people ask me to stop and give up writing, I will apparently get mad and go crazy. That is too much in asking.

But my father was like that; a man of action, a man that knows his priority, a man without words, but plenty of beautiful words inside his heart. A man who are willing to sacrifice everything, to make sure we are born in this world, sharing the beauty lies in this Earth, spend every penny he had to make sure we learn and be independent, although we always hurts his feeling. How can a man can do this much?

Yes, I’m very much selfish. I never told my friends that my father was a writer, very good writer in fact. Because of his humbleness, we never actually read his published works neither see certificate of his achievement. Some of us have the privillage to read, but most of us not. That goes to his other masterpiece in song writing, composing, mastery in musical instruments, script writing, screen play and other artworks. He keeps it for his own to remember. Or now I believe that, he keeps it so that we will choose our own path without being burden to follow his footsteps. How can a man, sacrifice up to this extreme extend?

For a man, it is very much important for us to see, one or two of our child resemblance us in achievement and attitudes, but not my father. He kept everything away, so that we can be raise and believe you are good for what you are, you can choose the path that you like, you never have to become a teacher same like me, you can always be anything you like, you don’t have to have any art abilities and to perform it well, you can always be what you want to be.

That was and is my father.

I kept the fact I was raised by a father like his kind away from my friends and teacher knowing. I want them to believe that I perform base on my original talent. Even if my father still alive, he will let me to do that. I’m being selfish, I know. But deep inside my heart, I know that I can’t get anywhere farther from him, because he was my father, whom I love so much.

I keep it as secret because I’m still not yet at par with his achievement. How can I declared to crowds he was my father, if I’m still not worthy to be mention. And I still am, not worthy to be mention. But I can’t wait anymore. I’m afraid the time (where I’m worthy to be mentioned) never come.

But today, as my heart grows bigger missing him, I know that I just can’t keep it anymore. Whatever I do, it is a struggle to be like him. I hope that one day when I have the guts to mention, I already be somebody. So that people can see, the person that shaped me well and loves me unconditionally was him. He was my father who always there for me even he did not have any words to speak with me. But throughout the years, when he still alive or when he has already gone, I know that he speaks loud and clear, with the blood that circulate inside my body and vein. I heard him now, so clear and precise.

My father, Alias bin Haji Sulaiman (1932 - 2004), a teacher.

I’m indebted to him for all my life. Thank you for having me, love me still even I’m not a very good child to you, whom called me with my full name over and over, never my short name. Knows what make me happy and what I like, care about my well being.

Ayah, thank you to criticize me sincerely even you love me so much. You did that in order I’ll be guided and will not response to false praise.

Ayah, thank you to scold me when I’m not using both hand when I used the computer.

Ayah, thank you making me keep repeating Al Fatihah over and over until I know where to place the alphabet (makhraj huruf) and used the correct tajweed.

Ayah, thank you to teach me how to make ketupat’s cover, both ketupat sate and bawang.

Ayah, thank you to teach me how to cut vegetables correctly, and eat with pleasant heart my bad cooking.

Ayah, thank you for teaching me how to choose. You have made me understand to use systematic approach to choose when it is too hard for me.

Ayah, thank you to show us right and wrong, to uphold virtue, values and wisdom. Still giving even you have nothing. Being humble and sincere, and be a great father to me.

Ayah, thank you watching me straight at my face. I know that you wanted to say goodbye that day, a day before you’ve been released from this world. I still remember you face at that moment, and will be, towards the eternity. InsyaAllah.

Ayah, thank you for believing in me, bless me, forgive me, love me, only then I can be who I am.

Ayah, even you never heard this, I love you.

Happy Fathers Day to Ayah, Abah.

To all fathers out there who had sacrificed a lot for the well being of your children.

Yes of course, to you too, Cikli, Hans Words, Empangan Jernih, Cikgu, Anak Bumi.

(Thank you Ayah for looking straight to the camera, so we convinced that you're still watching.)

Al-Fatihah.

helping others

I just learned from a respected scholar quoting Zig Ziglar, in order for you to succeed in everything you do and hope for, you need to help others. He means others not for a few people, but a lot of them.

He, well, a renown scholar which I recently met, a muslim but believing what Ziglar said as true word of wisdom and worth practising. Of course, seeing him in front of my eyes with list of achievement, awards, recognitions, iconic in his field, well, I really can't write all, as a living prove for what Ziglar actually mean.

Of course this best practices can be found in Muslim book of wisdom, Al Quran which requires us to do the same. Almost every verses related to solah (prayer) will be accompany with the act of giving to others.

'Aqimussolah wa itauzzakah'

I only read that verses as it's literal meaning. But when I can organized my thinking system, then I believe we should give to others as much as we perform solah.

Well, helping others is a big word for someone that only think for himself. Someone who seek for personal achievement rather than aiming for community to prosper.

I believe in Quranic verses. I see this scholar's pile up achievements and still increased every year. I know that he is not helping others to have want he want. He already have everything.

I'm thinking of myself, can I do the same?

Just sharing thought

I really don't remember when was the last time I write in this blog, sharing things with you. Perhaps my cliche excuse is limited time (I don't really have time to write, duhh, that is really lame excuse), but the real thing is I'm draining out energy and drive.

There are a lots of things happen concerning the world: the environment, the political issue, the mass movement in Arabic peninsular, global warming, the next lunar eclipse, next and coming election, and of course concerning my own universe; but sadly, I still can't write.

Now I learn that, you yourself can change routine and habits, not to mention what you actually believe that you can't do, but definitely you can. It is very simple to change, and surprisingly, you will have the energy and drive to complete the tasks and change your lifestyles.

It is simple. You just only need to re-defined priority and set your goal.

When you have done that, you will find that your body is full with the energy you need.

Then, your body, physical, mind, soul will respond to it. Without knowing how, you be able to complete tasks and succeed.

I never know it is easy to change things, until today. As simple as by setting priority and goal. But, of course you need to mean it. As I'm still not that good, I need extra motivation to wake me up.

I think I find one, insyaAllah, I hope at the end all ends well.

Need to change? Just re-defined your priority, InsyaAllah, with His mercy, He will grant you with the energy and drive to succeed.

Let do it together. Chaiyyok.

(see, I already write a new entry).